Saturday Night

Well, it has been a long, full and very rich day. In a lot of ways, I suppose yesterday and the day before was that way also. I got into Tucson on Thursday in time to go grocery shopping, get some dinner cooked and then I got a massage which was awesome. After that I unpacked, moved my things in, read my email and then went to bed.

Friday we started Teacher Training which is awesome. I was on a bit of a high from the Grand Gathering- (a bit of an understatement as I left the Gathering completely inspired by this amazing community of people and our teacher and his vision and our collective offering and completely on fire and exhilarated from the whole thing. I reconnected with old friends, made new friends and I might just have to say that the whole experience was perhaps the highlight of my teaching career.)

And in some ways, the Teacher Training is as different as you can get in terms of content, set and setting and yet in other ways, I feel so in the "Anusara Yoga Field of Consciousness" that it is not different at all. We have an amazing group of trainees- most of whom have been through the Immersion Process with us already so its a bit of a reunion and, of course, we have some new folks joining us which is also fun.

Without going into a blow by blow account of the first two days I suppose I will just share my overall impression after two days. Generally speaking, what is happening feels to me like a deep, profound emotional healing with very little/no drama or BS associated with what is going on for people. People are just sincerely owning their experiences, examining themselves with honest courage and being vulnerable and sincere with one another along the way. It is quite inspiring to be part of.

So what I have been reflecting on these last two days is the profound opportunity these trainings offer all of us in our personal growth and maturation. I mean, somehow, in the process of honing our articulation skills and presenting heart-based themes based on our direct, actual experience and endeavoring to deepen ourselves as teachers, the process asks us to confront long-held limiting beliefs, to assert a new truth about who we are and gives a chance to work through those things that stand in our way of our being direct, vulnerable and powerful people. It is nothing short of amazing, really.

I've been thinking about this a lot lately- this process of growing up that occurs as we walk the yoga path. I guess it doesn't actually "just occur." More accurately, we get invited to grow up and to be adults on a spiritual path and to let go of childish projections and coping strategies that we adopted in a different time and place. Obviously, it's a process and not everyone accepts the invitation but when we claim our experience directly, when we understand what is shaping our perceptions and when we stop projecting our feelings outwards onto others, something really radical happens inside-- we gain the liberation and freedom that is only possible when we are living as accountable adults and not as victimized children occupying adult bodies.

So- I am watching some very mature inner work occur in the folks who are taking this training. It's pretty radical for Day 2 that people would be so open, but it seems to me that people in this group came here to really shift and grow and are going for it. I know that I always shift a lot in my time here because as much as my job and Darren's job is to create space and to hold space for people, we are also in the chamber with everyone else. So as always, when I teach, I have had a chance to work with some of my own patterns and tendencies and to examine myself to make some conscious choices toward more skillful responses rather than patterned reactions.

And you know, its not always gut-wrenching inner searching that shifts us here. A lot of what helps us shift is the positive input and the amazing depth of support we can access when we come together as a community with a common aim. So often shifts can happen because the kula is reflecting our light to us and somehow we get to see ourselves as others see us and that positive darshana gets that much deeper into our hearts. It's a very cool thing.

So anyway- time for me to head to bed so I am fresh and ready for the day tomorrow.

Wednesday

I just updated my Facebook status to read- "Christina Sell had a not-so-easy-at-times, full spectrum kind-of-day that is ending on a decidedly positive note." So that is how it was today. I started with Focus on Form and we had a strong class with lots of "yoga geek" moments and technicalities explored. I made it only partially though my sequence this morning but I think we covered some really interesting ground in there today.

I left the class pondering whether I was a bit too intense on certain points in the class. I get so passionate about the possibilities that yoga offers us. Also, in the whole world of travelling to teach and presenting to large groups for 6 days at a time I get very fired up about things and then I teach a public class and I am in the same mode and well, I admit, it can be a lot for the person who is just there for a Wednesday morning yoga class!

But the thing is for me, its the one day a week I get to contribute to the local conversation and so I am totally on fire about it. I am not (nor have I ever been) one bit casual about teaching yoga and I am even less casual about it now than I ever have been. So then having just one day a week where I get to see people in class, well, hmm.... probably, I am not going to get more mellow, now that I think about it. And when you notice me mellow and not giving a shit about what your are doing in my class and not demanding a lot, then you will know I am about to stop teaching!

I got on a whole theme today about vertical. As I prepped my class this morning (Which is why I did not do a blog entry earlier) I looked up the word vertical and went into its etymology and got to vertex, to verse, and finally found my way to warp- as in the vertical threads of a weaving. As in warp and woof or weft. Now how exciting is that? (Many of you right now are thinking...what is your point here, exactly? I can tell. Because in both classes when I taught this, I was met right about here with blank stares of (wtf) is she talking about? Seriously, though, how exciting is it that the vertical axis, the mid-line, the vertical lift we create in every pose is related- at least linguistically and perhaps distantly but still related nonetheless-to the vertical threads of a weaving?

Well, it gets even more exciting if you think about how the word, tantra means (among many other meanings) to weave or to loom. These philosophies were interested (among other things) in how the vertical axis (THE SPIRIT) is woven with the horizontal axis (MATTER) into the very fabric of reality. Oh my god, I was in yoga-geek heaven at this point in my class preparations.

So- we worked with gathering the threads of the horizontal axis into the vertical axis with muscle energy to create "unified strength" in the fabric of each pose and in the fabric of ourselves. Anyway- lots of good hard work and some preaching.

I used the same theme at 6:00 and took the work into press handstands, bakasana, sirsasana 2 to bakasana, parsva bakasana and sirsasana 2 to oarsva bakasana. Everyone did so well and worked so hard. Again, I must say the caliber of student in that Wednesday night class is really high. So inspiring.

All right- well, we came home for a dinner of yummy Ayurvedic food and I have been working on the blog, answering email and answering phone calls ever since. Kelly goes on a trip tomorrow and I take him to the airport bright and early so I should call it a night. I am tired. It was a full-spectrum day filled with intense emotional moments, some deep soul searching, some belly laughs, some interpersonal conflict and resolution, some planning, studying and all in all, just lots of being right in the middle of the not-always-so-easy experience of life and relationships.

Time now for bed.

Home Again

Well, I am home and so happy to be here. I was pretty wiped out by the end of the time in Arizona. While it was a great trip it left me with lots to reflect on and think about and process. Couple all of that with the fact I have been living out of a suitcase since January 26 and well, I was in need of a great nights sleep. Lucky for me I got one.

After my morning practices I ate some apples (spring cleanse time- no milky tea for a while) and then I practiced some asana which really lifted my spirits. Mom and Dad came over for lunch and then I spent some time on the phone with my friend Meg and then I had some furniture delivered for my puja room and so I had to do an overhaul in there. It looks so great. I love it! I puttered around in my office, unpacking from the last month and doing laundry and other great nesting tasks. Then I took a shower and headed out to Breath and Body for my class there this evening.

And what an evening it was. We had such a great group of sincere people there for the introductory talk. I was pretty impressed that people came to a talk about yoga on Friday night but people were really eager to hear and to learn and to be together. I talked about some basics of Anusara Yoga philosophy and pulled a lot from the Kularnava Tantra, the text where we get the name Anusara. That text is a conversation between Shiva and Shakti. Shiva is on the top of Mount Kailas and, as usual, he is deep in meditation and ecstatic bliss. Shakti climbs to the top of the mountatin and asks him to help her. "You see," she tells him, "I have seen people everywhere and I cannot find one truly happy person.I want to help them. How can we help them?"

The text goes on from there and Shiva downloads a path of awakening called the Kula Path. This radical path - the Greatest of All Paths he says- is not a path of renunciation or refusal but is a path of radical affirmation, skillful involvement and the very best of what it means to be human. So radical it is that it even says that "Your enjoyment becomes yoga, your sin becomes art and all life is liberation." This path instructs us to make use of every experience in order to journey to the deepest experiences of the heart. Very cool.

And just as that radical affirmation is at the heart of Anusara Yoga philosophy and at the heart of our method, so too is that conversation between Shiva and Shakti- between the witness consciousness of Shiva and the dynamic aspect of consciousness known as Shakti- always in a conversation within ourselves and in our yoga.

That conversation creates a vibration, a spanda, a pulsation and by entering into that spanda skillfully we enter into the very essence of Grace. And when we step into that flow, the KularnavaTantra teaches us we are "made able" to receive the blessings of Grace.

And really, that is what we are doing together. How cool is that? It was a great evening. I cannot wait til tomorrow!