Christina Sell

"What is living if I can't be free? What is freedom if I can't be me?"

I am listening to a mix I made for a flow class and this line is in a song that Bonnie Raiit sings on her Souls Alike album, I Will Not Be Broken. It is a really great song. Other great lines, include, "You can hold me but you cannot hold what's within..."

Anyway- I am definitely feeling a lot better today although by no means do I feel my normal perky self. My digestion is off, my energy is pretty low and my emotions might best be described as fragile. I am kind of on the brink of crying all the time. This makes sense-I had hardly any sleep, I was poked and prodded in all kinds of ways by all kinds of strangers for 72 hours, I was in intense pain and also on all kinds of drugs I am now detoxing from and well, I was in a pretty darn fragile state physically there for a while. (In addition to my afore mentioned emotional fragility I am working up a pretty good rant about medical insurance and our health care system but that can wait for another time.)

So, okay- on a happier note, John Friend is in town this weekend and the really cool thing about all of this is that while I am technically his "Local Host" for the weekend, the event is pretty much being organized by the local kula who stepped in several weeks ago to help me out under the extreme organizational prowess of one Jesse Owens. It is odd because I have been excited about John coming here to teach ever since I moved here and it is finally here and well, I may hardly be a part of things. And in a weird way, it feels pretty fine with me. In some ways, I figure I did my job here if there is a big group of people who can handle it without me.

I am hoping to be part of the day tomorrow as much as I can be and soak in the love. I am not sure if I am going to be up to practicing although right now I do feel so much better than yesterday that I think perhaps.... Anyway, tonight is John's talk and a kirtan with Dave Stringer and then tomorrow and Sunday are the workshops. It is really going to be great. I talked to John twice over the last two days and all systems seem ready to go.