Tuesday Morning

So, here is a fun thing. My blog won a non-contest. I just found out yesterday.
Check it out: www.cirkla.com/newsletters/112209.htm. I kind of laughed at the review- "At first glance, this appears to be just another yoga blog...." (hmmm... meaning, what, exactly?) But the review gets much better after that. I am teasing. Sort of...

And speaking of blogs, I wiped the former blog roll clean and have added folks back who told me they would like to be linked to my blog. So if you would like to be linked here, just let me know, happy to add a link even if your blog is "just another yoga blog..." (Kidding. Totally kidding.)

Anne and I spent some time together yesterday, I did a bunch of work on my computer, had a phone conference with a woman I am mentoring through the final stages of certification and then went to Peggy's class, which was wonderful as always. I had dinner at Guerro's with a lovely troupe of yogini's who are organizing a Texas Yoga Conference, a Texas Yoga Association response to the increase in legislation we are all facing with Teacher Training Programs and one of whom is beginning a Yoga Teacher Talent Management company. Very interesting evening indeed.

So it is Thanksgiving week which means I suppose it is time to ponder gratitude out loud.(In fact, someone wrote to me suggesting this as a topic of consideration and while normally I do not take requests I thought it might be a good topic. Actually that is a lie. I totally take requests. Well, that is a lie also. Sometimes I take requests.) Anyway, I think about gratitude a lot because I find it is a virtue that when I cultivate creates a lot more happiness in my life.

Recently I was walking with Gioconda and was kind of in a complaining mood which she was patiently and indulgently listening to and toward the end of the conversation she told me, "You know, you might find that as you focus on the stuff that is going well for you, the things you are dissatisfied with may seem less important." Ahh... such a wise and skillful way to say, "Stop bitching and be grateful!"

Manorama spoke to this a bit in Corpus Christi. She said that "The mind always wants what it does not have and has what it does not want. The yogi reverses the paradigm and learns to want what they have and to have what they want." Yes, another example of the radical nature of the path. The mind of our biological machine is not necessarily set up to be grateful. It would seem that if the mind is set up like Manorama suggests- to want what it does not have and to have what it does not want- then we need to waste no time feeling bad about ourselves when we find ourselves in that particular orientation. We are simply being true to that aspect of the mind.

So on one level, it would seem complaining, perceiving lack, longing for something other than what is, is somewhat "natural." But like Laurie Blakeney taught us all those years ago, "Yoga is about being super natural." (Oh and save the date- she will be teaching in Austin in June 25-27) Maybe gratitude is a yoga siddhi, a super power of some kind that we can cultivate and learn to incorporate as a primary outlook.

That is the thing. It may be perfectly natural to complain and to want to corral others into telling us we are justified in our very natural outlook and our very understandable perceptions that stem from "wanting what we do not have and having what we do not want." But just because that outlook is natural does not mean it is optimal or that it is the Highest level of natural. Really, we can do better. And the yogi is being called to do better.

I was thinking about this recently with my work. I was on the phone with someone who really wanted to talk about the many ways the work I do must be so stressful and so forth. I got off the phone, having followed that particular thread in the conversation, feeling like I really sold myself out. The thing is, sure it is difficult. (Truth be told I have never had a job I enjoyed that wasn't, on some level, difficult. One time I had an "easy" job- I had to sit behind a counter at a health club and hand out towels and locker keys. That job almost killed me it was so "easy.") So sure, there are some challenges in the way that I have organized my life but there are so many more amazing things about it.

I got off the phone and realized I did not say one thing about the fact I am deeply, profoundly grateful to get to do the work I do. I get to be part of an incredible community of like-minded people all over over the world who are exploring what I consider to be some of the most profound teachings ever. We are not doing it perfectly, we are not doing it not without mishap, not without challenges internally and externally, but really... we are in an incredible game together, all of us.

I didn't say that I am probably happiest in those moments when I am teaching yoga- when I am being used in that particular way to share what I have learned and to share in what others are learning.

I didn't say that even though I may get tired from sitting on a plane, switching times zones, talking so much and so forth that never do I step in front of a group of people to teach and wish I was doing anything else in the entire world in that moment. When I am in the act of teaching, I want what I have.

I didn't say that I wouldn't want it any other way. I didn't say that I consider what I do a dream job. In that conversation I slipped into the lowest common denominator of complaint and what I was left with was not the remorse of "I should have been more positive" from some outside standard. What I felt was a deeper remorse from not having taken a stand for the High Vision I actually hold for what I do which revolves around a deep sense of gratitude for this path and its teachings.

Asserting a perspective of gratitude and standing for it in this world where to be savvy, discerning and cultured often involves fault-finding is an act that requires great courage and vulnerability in a way. The intellect complains. The heart experiences gratitude. To feel grateful we have to allow a kind of tenderness in and to share what it is that we feel grateful for definitely exposes a place of raw tenderness in us. Sharing from a tender heart requires a much different level of intimacy than simply revealing oneself at an intellectual level.

So those are my musings for today. There is more so perhaps more tomorrow.

Wednesday

So- I am sitting at home today waiting for Fed Ex to deliver me my passport. I realized last week that I could not find my passport anywhere and the last time I had it was in June when I went to Tofino. So I tore the house apart and still, no passport. Anyway, long story short, I have a new one coming via Fed Ex today so I cannot leave the house lest I miss the delivery. I leave the country on Friday and since tomorrow is Thanksgiving, today is the only window of opportunity. If I miss the delivery I am a bit, shall we say, screwed. I did check its tracking and about 30 minutes ago it was put on a truck in New Braunfels. So I am hopeful.

But this means I am probably not going to be at the practice at South Studio today although it is still happening with the lovely and talented Mandy Eubanks leading the fun.

A brief note about my schedule-

Friday Nov. 28-I am headed to Winnipeg on Friday morning. I am teaching there over the weekend. (BRRR!!!)

Monday, Dec. 1- I go to Tuscon on Monday and teach Immersion Part Two with Darren Rhodes on Tuesday through Sunday.

Saturday Dec.6-Sunday Dec. 7- Carlos Pomeda will be teaching here in San Marcos over the weekend. Kelly is going to host that here so that I can stay with my group in Arizona and be there for Paul Muller Ortega's weekend workshop. (Really, you know you are living right when you are choosing between Paul Muller Ortega and Carlos Pomeda on the same weekend.)

Sunday, December 7- I am going to go to Prescott for some personal R&R and to visit my guru and friends up there.

Thursday Dec. 11- I travel back home, land in Austin after lunch and will be at Westgate for my classes that night.

All right then- last night was a lot of fun for me. We had a great group at 4:30 and at 6:00 although I think the 6:00 class was the smallest class I have ever taught at YogaYoga. At 4;30 we worked a lot with the Primary Flows of Energy and my theme was on Goodness.

I have been thinking a lot about practicing yoga. And why I do it. And apart from all kinds of lofty philosophical reasons, I practice because I like it and because it feel really good to me. I practice because I feel better when I do than when I don't. It is kind of a simple thing, really. I also think that, in general, most people's reasons for practicing boil down to "I want to do something good for myself" be it on the physical, emotional, spiritual, social level of being.

But lately I have been thinking a lot about "Why do something good for myself?" Like really, what motivates that?

And it seems to me that there are two basic reasons to do do something good for myself. The first reason I might want to do something good for myself is that I think I am somehow flawed and in need of some kind of "whipping into shape" or that by doing something good for myself I can offset this feeling of being less than. Somehow, through enough work, this perspective tells me, I could earn the experience of worth, etc. Like- "I am basically not very nice but yoga helps me be nicer." (Or fill in the blank with any trait you chose.)

The second reason is that I might recognize that I am, intrinsically good and doing things that are good for myself are ways I might align myself with that truth. Like- "I am basically healthy, well, peaceful and Good. Practicing yoga helps me align with that state, recognize it fully and live in that truth more deliberately. (Chit-ananda, baby- there it is again!) Because of this recognition I deserve a practice that brings me happiness, wellness, joy and profound insight."

The outside actions of my life might look exactly the same. I might behave in an identical manner from the outside. I would eat the same food, I would still meditate, I would still do pranayama and I would still practice asana. The only difference is inside. One orientation would be based on Earning Goodness (And therefore always be a reminder of lack) and the other perspective would be be based on Aligning With My Already Present-State of Goodness. (And therefore always be a reminder of fullness)

Obviously it is not a black or white issue. In some ways, as always, it is a matter of perspective. From the Absolute perspective we are already Good. From the relative perspective, we need to cultivate ourselves. But its on my mind a lot- the idea of earning goodness, of earning Grace. Really, we cannot earn what is already ours. That is the thing about gifts. We do not earn them. They are given. What we can do is cherish the gifts we are given, take care of them, put them to good use, praise them, share them with others, and so forth.

So practice is kind of like that,I think. What if it is simply a way we might cherish the gift of grace, a way to take care of our own goodness and put our gifts to good use?

If I wanted to, in just one more paragraph I could segue into a Thanksgiving rap with all of this, but not today. I have been living off the Hallmark Calendar for many years now and so I will leave the gratitude consideration alone for now. Perhaps tomorrow.

OH WAIT-FED EX IS HERE!!!! Yippee. My passport arrived. Now that is something to be grateful for.

Thanksgiving visit with Mom and Dad

The Blue Pearl, my new car.
Mom, waiting for us to buy the car.
Dad, waiting for us to buy the car. Paperwork.
Me and my new car.

Well, it's been a busy week. As already mentioned, we visited Sun City on Monday. Then Tuesday morning we woke up, Kelly and I walked our dogs and then we all went to the Honda dealership for me to buy a car. Here I am pictured with my brand new Honda Fit. I just love it. After car shopping we went to the Outlet Malls. Dad got some great stuff at Under Armour, Mom and I went to Coldwater Creek and Kelly got a few things at Banana Republic.

Wednesday Mom, Kelly and I went on the Glass Bottom boat tour of the San Marcos River and then up into Austin. Dad had an appointment with Craig for acupuncture and the rest of us went to Whole Foods for Gelato and then we met up again at Central Market for shopping and dinner.

On Thursday Anne came down for Thanksgiving and brought her surrogate dog Dylan down with her. Four dogs in the house was pretty exciting. Our two dogs, Mom and Dad's dog and now Dylan! Here is mom with Indy and Dylan.

We had a really nice day. Anne and I practiced yoga, I made a great soup for lunch and then we had a nice light dinner together in the evening. Today Mom and Dad went up to Austin to spend the night there with Anne and they will all go to Waco for a few days after that.

So that was the brief run down of the week. We had a really fun time together. I am a bit tired but in a really good kind of way. There was so much for me to be grateful for this year and so I am left with a feeling of fullness. I enjoy good health, great work, friends all over the globe, and being with my family this year was something to be particularly grateful for. I am really happy that Mom and Dad are planning to move closer to me and Anne and that we will have a chance to spend more time with them in the next few years. Really, the gratitude list is nearly endless this year.

There is plenty more to write about but that is it for tonight.